My relationship with food is currently better than it has ever been. Since the beginning of social distancing, I haven't really eaten out at all, so it has been a time for new recipes and experimenting in the kitchen. Cooking and eating are forms of self care for me, and I try to give my body what it needs. Food has always been super important to me, but in the past two years I've made huge positive changes in my approach to my diet.
DISCLAIMER: If you knew me when I struggled with food, I don't want a text saying you're sorry you never said anything, because I didn't want your help then and I do not need it now. I'm better now! One of the things that I know triggers me (and others) is when people comment on my body and diet. SO PLEASE, don't say anything about it. And just don't do that to anyone, ever, because it's not your business. Thank you for your concern, but I will definitely ignore you! Okay back to business...
Growing up in south Louisiana, eating was a big part of my family, and my dad definitely knows his way around the kitchen. He shared with me his love for cajun food like gumbo, jambalaya, pralines, and other southern style dishes. My sisters and I were taught that you should eat three meals a day, and on holidays you eat a big meal with all the cousins at grandmas house. The most important thing that has stuck with me from my childhood was how food can bring people together. And seafood is delicious.
As I got older, things started to get more complicated. As puberty struck, my body changed and I did not like it. I also felt pressure to look a certain way from the prima ballerinas that I looked up to, and my mental health surely did not help the situation. I started to care a lot about what I ate, but I was never really good at "dieting" or restricting myself. So instead, I just had mental battles with myself before, during, and after eating anything. I counted calories on and off for years, always eventually giving up because it was too exhausting, but never healing the way I saw food. It was definitely a struggle of mental health, and I didn't want help. Thankfully, I was actually always at a healthy weight despite my own negative perception of my body. I went through many different phases of how I kept track of my eating, but once I hit my sophomore year of college I stopped all the counting.
That year was transformative for me because I had my own apartment with my own kitchen. I chose to buy only vegan groceries at first, for a couple different reasons: 1) Save the animals, 2) Save the Earth, 3) I thought it was healthier. I thought eating vegan could make me skinnier without having to restrict calories or workout more. I still sometimes ate animal products when I went out to eat, so I considered myself vegan~ish. This limited my ingredient options at home, which really allowed for me to get creative in the kitchen and see cooking in a whole new light. Now, eating vegan is awesome for the animals and the environment, and I encourage everyone to adopt a diet with less meat and dairy, especially with some meat factories shutting down in the midst of this pandemic (Tyson). However, a strict diet is not what I needed then or now. Eventually, through learning to cook and allowing myself to listen to my body I stopped being veganish and adopted a healthier approach to food. I now eat mostly vegetarian and dairy free, but I make exceptions because I do not want to restrict myself anymore. 2020 was actually the first time that I went to make New Years Resolutions and "being healthier" wasn't at the top of my list. I now see cooking as a way to get creative and it brings me a lot of joy. I see working out as a way to get stronger and prepare myself for dance. Before, these were ways to control myself when my world was out of control.
Now more than ever, I am relying on the power of food to get me through my days. Eating and cooking are important daily rituals for me, and I'm happier than ever with my lifestyle. I am also totally one of those girls posting her quarantine banana bread photos on instagram... but I'm really proud of myself. I had support from friends throughout this journey, but all in all I had to change my own mindset to make any real progress. Sharing this is kind of scary, but I hope that it reminds you of the power of food. I would love to hear from you if this was helpful for anyone, or if anyone needs help there are many online resources out there and I'm always here to listen. And now I'm off to cook some pasta!
Comments